Entry 12 | Second Chance

I did everything in my power to make us one, I tried everything I could think of to have us work.

But everything fell apart.

And it's all my fault.

You wanted something you could hold on to forever. I thought I did, too. But I don't have enough conscious or will power to continue, and you knew that from the start, but you were blinded by love, and I was blinded by false hope to change for the better, for you, for me, for us.

It took you nearly 4 years to regain your trust in me, enough to want to put us together, and I only proved once again I was unable to handle this thing called a relationship.

You're something I still cherish and I will never be able to let you go forever on into life. But I cannot handle this. I can't handle this with anyone. There's too much going on around me to even attempt any of this anymore.

And all of it is all my fault.

Thanks for the second chance, but, it took another shot to realize why we didn't work. I'm not ready to settle down and put everything aside for one person as you want, and I don't think I'll ever be.

So we ended it.

And that's OK.

Someday we'll cross paths again, but for now, I twist my legs to the thought of you, and just like you said yourself, I'm the one that got away, and, so are you. Thank you, for everything.

A love in real life is something I've never felt, but, I think, from here on out, that's all I want to experience. Online, it hasn't worked for me, and it never will. The hard-hitting truth. A final salute goes out to my seemingly never-ending addiction.