Entry 1

Hi, my name's Sebastian, or as my friends and peers like to call me, Sebas, prounounced like the fish, seabass.

This is my first blog. Ever. I was always more interested in forums when I was younger and never saw myself typing about personal things. I'm sure this will venture on past personal granted I truly get into it.

I'm also unaware if this is supposed to be in Japanese only.. if so, I apologize, I know none of it.

So, here's a bit about me. I'm 18 as of writing this, and I graduated on the 6th of June. My birthday falls on November 3rd, making me a scorpio, as cool as it gets, heheh.

I grew up moving a lot in California, from the ghettos of South Gate in Los Angeles, to the falling grounds of Rialto, to the now suburban but drug-ridden mountains of San Bernardino. I grew up fairly but not horribly poor, and not enough to the point where it would have disrupted a good childhood. I was raised mainly by my oldest sister due to my parents not being around much since they worked often. If it wasn't her raising me, it was a daycare on the same cul-de-sac that I was mainly raised on.

Throughout my years of school I did very well, normally getting satisfactory grades, until 6th grade. I started hanging around people who didn't carem, which influenced me. I realized something then, things don't actually matter until you get into high school.. or so my little mind would have liked to believe. This falling of care led to stress from my parents and self-inflicted stress of personal thoughts as well. It carried on with me for a long time, 7th and 8th grade may have been a blast for me, it's the years I had the most fun, but I began suffering from depression due to feeling that my parents were always disappointed in me, as I was getting very awful grades and acting out with my family as well. I felt detached and only went to school for my friends.

These were easily my best years anyhow, as I soon affiliated myself with an MLP group online, namely the people from /mlp/ on 4chan, who went by different names other than "bronies".. however, the name used was inappropriate, so I am not going to say it here. We eventually went on to raid an app named iFunny, which was huge at the time for an offensive group named SWA, which stood for "Swaggers wit' Attitude".. which is now atrocious when I read it, but it was the 2013 - 2014 era. We adapted their style and warped it with out own including MLP and etcetera. I became one of the most popular representatives of this said group and for once I had felt "popular", something I oh so desired at the time, and I felt happy isolated in this online world. Things were to change of course, with the dying MLP community and iFunny also losing interest by the people as well. This is where high school really came into the picture. I lost interest as well naturally, and of course, I wasn't performing well in school.

During 9th grade, I sprouted my first gray hair, in which was discovered as one of my classmates thought it was something else in my hair. It was scary for me. As young as I was and it not being genetics, I hated the idea that I was stressing so bad that it came. I was teased for it throughout the rest of the years at that school as more and more kept coming in. Patches after patches grew gray and some even grew worry for me, as stress can kill you at an early age.

I participated in criminal activity during summer of my freshman year. I didn't get influenced this time around, however, I led my friends into the idea and they went with it well. We broke into a closed down school, and someone had called the cops on us as they saw our flashlights going around, originally believing we were just some dumb kids trespassing. We were caught after running for some time. Second degree burglary was the charge, which was dropped when I turned 18 since the crime was done when I was a minor, and it was my first charge.

By the end of 10th grade, I dropped out. This is when I unfortunately attempted suicide. I overdosed on painkillers during that summer in hopes that I wouldn't have to deal with what I was experiencing at the time. The depression was diagnosed and at an all-time high, and I just couldn't get my mind away from doing it. I nearly died, but woke up in a hospital bed, with my immediate family staring and crying when I awoke. All I could do was stare and break down. After being faced with that, I decided it would never be worth going through with it again. I felt worse than ever and realized how important I was to them.

The rest of the summer went by, and later went to a continuation school for my 11th and 12th grade. Entering with only 45 of the 230 credits required to graduate, I worked my butt off those two years after sense snapped into me that I needed to graduate. I began slacking again after my initial boost of energy and nearly cut-edge with the end of 12th grade, barely graduating successfully and feeling happy once again for once in the past few years of pity and stress.

So, some months go pass, and now, here I am. Searching for work and looking to get my life finally started. Things are going well aside from the pressure of my parents to finally get out of my room, however, I have a job interview tomorrow in the morning, and I hope I can land this job so I can get a car and move on with my life! I'm happy to still be around and everyone around me makes time and living so much better.

Thanks for reading, if you managed to go through all of this.